Monday, January 16, 2017

January 16, 2017

In rough voice for Sunday service and Cantaria, but for the most part made it through. Perplexed that the bad throat seems to have neither end nor cause.

Woke during a surprising dream about zombies. They attacked while I was
leading a painting class in a huge open field, so we fought them
with the sharp ends of brushes. My hands still feel the sensation of blunt wood entering flesh.
Spring-like days. Went to the studio today and was almost deliriously happy. The painting went well, and the second floor was filled with convivial people. New fluidity now that I’ve decided my inner Bosch to shine through. My legs get devastated by standing on the concrete floor. It’s always something. Wanted to seduce R, almost thought I might, that he would respond. But in the end pulled back.

Edging toward the unthinkable inauguration. Trump’s rhetoric is more troubling and incautious than Hitler’s was at the stage of his career. Not one person in America supports him for reasons having to do with rationality or intelligence. Not a fraction of a percent of his support is based on thought or wisdom or compassion. And to say this to his supporters will not get so much as a denial, but only a shrug. What have we to do with intelligence? What have we to do with compassion? We do not see beyond our own imagined hurt. I have no idea what to do.

Somehow related to this is the recognition of one mistake I have not made: I have never sought authority or institutional power. I would be at least inept with it, at worst monstrous. It is a truth that has affected my career at the University, made it look a little disengaged, but in good conscience I should not have done otherwise.

Buying water at the Biltmore Gulf I ran into RD behind the register. Talk about a blast from the past.
One who would not be saved, but who seems content

Labors begin tomorrow, but they do not begin tonight, so I am at peace.

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